Dear God – there must be more than this!?

Lord Jesus

I know you are great! You know best! You are the only truly Faithful one. Nothing compares to you, even Bf doesn’t come close.

I’m sorry for putting him on a pedestal, for having such high expectations of him and holding him in your place. I’m sorry for not putting you first and for not encouraging him enough to put you first!! Help us Lord. I’m sorry for feeling resentful towards wise, elderly J as she suggests that he should be making more effort to come and see me on week nights. God I found and still find that extremely difficult. I tell myself he maybe doesn’t want to interrupt my plans, he maybe is busy, doesn’t have time after work or that I should be driving down to see him as I finish work 90mins before he does! Lord what do you think I should do? J thinks I should end it. I think I should try driving down mid week to see him once a week or fortnightly.

Thank you Lord for giving me a job closer to home and closer to him. Thank you that now we are only 45 miles apart, compared to 90-100! Lord it is interesting that we haven’t once met up mid-week since I’ve moved, despite it being 5months ago! Is that significant?

Lord I feel like I am struggling with lust! Every time I’m with bf I feel turned on. Every night (almost) I feel a longing to be next to him, I feel envy towards engaged and married couples and I long to be settled and have security and intimacy. I don’t want to put pressure on bf, I wonder if it’s wise to tell him how strongly I feel and I wonder if J is right and sincerely hope she’s not!!! Lord help me know what to do. I need Godly wisdom and spiritual understanding. Is it right to expect him to meet me midweek? Am I asking too much? I’ve been through all this before already — I wept when I asked him once if maybe weekends were all he wanted, maybe it was enough for him. Maybe it’s best to leave things the way they are. Maybe I am being impatient.

Maybe I am obsessing over it? I don’t honestly know.
How did Esau work 14 years (7×2) to win Rebecca’s dad’s approval to marry her?!?

Anyway now it’s time for me to get up and on with my work.
Lord thank you for free will, and the freedom of being single. Thank you for bf and J and how precious both of them are to me. Guide me Lord. Thank you that you love me even more than I can appreciate or understand, far more that I can reciprocate. Please help me to be motivated by love in my relationship, attitude and actions towards bf and others. Thank you for always being with me and continually helping me!

In Jesus name. Amen.